Can I please catch a break?!?!?
Friday on my way to work in civilization my car engine decided to self destruct. I bought the car for a little under $2,500 used last March and have babied it all year. It was the first car I haven't had help of any kind in finding and/or buying.....and it died. AND.....A new motor is about $3,000....
I have a refund check coming, so I will have the money, but do I go ahead and buy a new engine or get a different used car?? I can't seem to find the later....and my guy friend who advises me on my car doesn't want me to spend the money on my baby....so I have no clue what to do. But I have to have a car or I can't work.....
I'm currently using my little brother's old beater....no AC....no cruise control....threatens to realign your spine when you go over 45.....terrible car.....
Just before this catastrophe I found out that my daughter got accepted into head start. She's so excited. I'm so excited for her.....the problem is it's in civilization....and now...because of the car expenses, we are stranded in nowheresville for a while longer....
To top it all off....I'm sick as hell. I haven't felt this bad since I was preggo. My head feels like it's going to explode..my throat and ears hurt, I have coughing fits, my nose is stuffed.....I'm drowning in my own mucus....HELP!!
I'm waiting for the third shoe to drop....we had a quiz this evening in class.....totally didn't pass....the teacher told us what to study...and then only about three things she told us about was on there.....to top it off I was pretty drugged up to be able to make it to the quiz....so I know I bombed.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Something isn't right
I have no idea what is going on with me today, but it isn't right.
I have had a short fuse since the moment I woke up. I feel like putting fist through a wall would be a great idea right now....even now just clinching them makes my blood boil, and there is nothing to be angry about....not one thing....
Everything is too much for me to process. My brain feels like it is working three speeds too slow. I can't comprehend......anything.....
I keep getting these attacks of sensory overload that make me want both scream and run and hide in a dark corner. The sound of my daughter laughing at the TV in the next room and the dog chewing on his bone at my feet is making my skin crawl.....
I can't concentrate. Everything is a distraction. I get distracted so many times I can't remember what I was doing in the first place.
I have felt panicky all day. Like one little thing is going to send me into cold sweats and hyperventilation.
I'm exhausted, despite the 8 hours of sleep I got last night... and yet, I'm jittery at the same time....my head is in a pre-migraine ache phase and my throat feels like I have attempted to swallow walnuts-- shell and all--and failed. My whole body is buzzing, but I could fall dead asleep in a matter of seconds if I tried....
something is not right........not at all.....and I want to cut to make it all stop.
I have had a short fuse since the moment I woke up. I feel like putting fist through a wall would be a great idea right now....even now just clinching them makes my blood boil, and there is nothing to be angry about....not one thing....
Everything is too much for me to process. My brain feels like it is working three speeds too slow. I can't comprehend......anything.....
I keep getting these attacks of sensory overload that make me want both scream and run and hide in a dark corner. The sound of my daughter laughing at the TV in the next room and the dog chewing on his bone at my feet is making my skin crawl.....
I can't concentrate. Everything is a distraction. I get distracted so many times I can't remember what I was doing in the first place.
I have felt panicky all day. Like one little thing is going to send me into cold sweats and hyperventilation.
I'm exhausted, despite the 8 hours of sleep I got last night... and yet, I'm jittery at the same time....my head is in a pre-migraine ache phase and my throat feels like I have attempted to swallow walnuts-- shell and all--and failed. My whole body is buzzing, but I could fall dead asleep in a matter of seconds if I tried....
something is not right........not at all.....and I want to cut to make it all stop.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Still here....sorta....
Classes are back in full swing. Yay, summer school.....or....not....
You'd think when you're doing it by choice it would be much more enjoyable....yeah.....not so much. The first night of classes sent me into panic attacks the whole 45 minute drive home.
My first class really isn't that bad. All of 10 people, myself included, signed up for the course....most of which I know already from other courses....so it was pretty laid back....we played some silly name game so the prof. could attempt to keep us all straight....
The second class....well, let's just say....it wasn't so laid back. There are twice as many people, and remember the know-it-all, loud-mouth from last semester?? She's there and she brought friends.
Actually, no, they aren't friends, but there are 4 of them....exact same personality traits....
And the prof....she lost her mind come the second class....she decided to allow "us" to make our own syllabus.....the "us" turned into the 4 arguing for an hour and a half about what "they think we should do" and how "they don't have time for 'this that and the other' kind of evaluation of your acquired knowledge from the class." It was too much for me. There was chaos....complete sensory overload...and a week later, we still don't have a syllabus...
It's an Assessments course, btw. We are supposed to be learning about how to give inventories, surveys, and the like....and learn to evaluate said assessments for validity...very technical and not alot of fun, but a necessity in the field. We are supposed to take the MMPI that will be computer scored and write a report about what we find out.....I'm so screwed.
I'm hoping the teacher doesn't expect us to be honest. I've heard many-o conspiracy theory about the MMPI.....basically, according to it, everyone has some sort of disorder.....and that's the normal population......should I save them the trouble and commit myself now, or wait and make them work for it?
You'd think when you're doing it by choice it would be much more enjoyable....yeah.....not so much. The first night of classes sent me into panic attacks the whole 45 minute drive home.
My first class really isn't that bad. All of 10 people, myself included, signed up for the course....most of which I know already from other courses....so it was pretty laid back....we played some silly name game so the prof. could attempt to keep us all straight....
The second class....well, let's just say....it wasn't so laid back. There are twice as many people, and remember the know-it-all, loud-mouth from last semester?? She's there and she brought friends.
Actually, no, they aren't friends, but there are 4 of them....exact same personality traits....
And the prof....she lost her mind come the second class....she decided to allow "us" to make our own syllabus.....the "us" turned into the 4 arguing for an hour and a half about what "they think we should do" and how "they don't have time for 'this that and the other' kind of evaluation of your acquired knowledge from the class." It was too much for me. There was chaos....complete sensory overload...and a week later, we still don't have a syllabus...
It's an Assessments course, btw. We are supposed to be learning about how to give inventories, surveys, and the like....and learn to evaluate said assessments for validity...very technical and not alot of fun, but a necessity in the field. We are supposed to take the MMPI that will be computer scored and write a report about what we find out.....I'm so screwed.
I'm hoping the teacher doesn't expect us to be honest. I've heard many-o conspiracy theory about the MMPI.....basically, according to it, everyone has some sort of disorder.....and that's the normal population......should I save them the trouble and commit myself now, or wait and make them work for it?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
no clue
I really wish I had something interesting to talk about. The vaca. from classes has been very....well.....what's the opposite of interesting times a million??
I have pretty much worked, ate, and attempted to sleep for the past....how long has it been since my last post??? I swear I didn't forget about bloggerland!! Life has just been mundane.
I had a dream last night....my sleep cycle is so off. I will fall asleep, have vivid, crazy dreams, then wake after about 2 hours of sleep. Once I wake I feel like I have slept 8 hours, so I'm up for a couple of hours....finally forcing myself to sleep waking a few hours later to get ready for work feeling like I could sleep for days. It's starting to really mess with me.
Anyway, I had a dream last night...me and my kiddo and dog are out on the family farm (dad's)....and they get attacked by his horses and dogs. So he goes and brings them too me. I'm freaking out because they are both terribly hurt. I tell him I am taking the kiddo to the hospital and he needs to take the dog to the animal hospital....then he gets mad because "the dog can wait" and I tell him I need him to do what I asked and he walks away telling me that I can deal with it on my own.....I woke up panting and angry as hell....
Right now....well, I'm typing on here, but I just got finished having the best belly laugh watching WipeOut. That show is great for some no brainer, gut tickling, laughter.
Work is going well, but I don't think I will be able to stay on there. I don't know what I will do. I really love my job.
My child is in the irrational fear stage, and for this control freak....I am about ready to sell her to the gypsies! She cries every time I leave her at the sitters, or every time I mention her having to go to the sitters....she cries when we have to leave gramma's house or daddy's house....she cries every time she even thinks about them. It's like living with a preggo, I swear. I have tried talking to her, trying to reassure her that everything is okay; she's okay....god, I don't want her to have my anxiety. I don't know what to do.
On another note...the floors are starting to rot in the room with the roof leak....and the mold is having a blast multiplying. It's totally disgusting. I'm so ready to move. My parent's/landlords know of the problem and still have done nothing to fix it. As soon as the refund check from school is in my bank we are outta here. Even I have standards....
Classes start next Monday....I'm sure to have some good material then...right??? There has to be more than this....
I have pretty much worked, ate, and attempted to sleep for the past....how long has it been since my last post??? I swear I didn't forget about bloggerland!! Life has just been mundane.
I had a dream last night....my sleep cycle is so off. I will fall asleep, have vivid, crazy dreams, then wake after about 2 hours of sleep. Once I wake I feel like I have slept 8 hours, so I'm up for a couple of hours....finally forcing myself to sleep waking a few hours later to get ready for work feeling like I could sleep for days. It's starting to really mess with me.
Anyway, I had a dream last night...me and my kiddo and dog are out on the family farm (dad's)....and they get attacked by his horses and dogs. So he goes and brings them too me. I'm freaking out because they are both terribly hurt. I tell him I am taking the kiddo to the hospital and he needs to take the dog to the animal hospital....then he gets mad because "the dog can wait" and I tell him I need him to do what I asked and he walks away telling me that I can deal with it on my own.....I woke up panting and angry as hell....
Right now....well, I'm typing on here, but I just got finished having the best belly laugh watching WipeOut. That show is great for some no brainer, gut tickling, laughter.
Work is going well, but I don't think I will be able to stay on there. I don't know what I will do. I really love my job.
My child is in the irrational fear stage, and for this control freak....I am about ready to sell her to the gypsies! She cries every time I leave her at the sitters, or every time I mention her having to go to the sitters....she cries when we have to leave gramma's house or daddy's house....she cries every time she even thinks about them. It's like living with a preggo, I swear. I have tried talking to her, trying to reassure her that everything is okay; she's okay....god, I don't want her to have my anxiety. I don't know what to do.
On another note...the floors are starting to rot in the room with the roof leak....and the mold is having a blast multiplying. It's totally disgusting. I'm so ready to move. My parent's/landlords know of the problem and still have done nothing to fix it. As soon as the refund check from school is in my bank we are outta here. Even I have standards....
Classes start next Monday....I'm sure to have some good material then...right??? There has to be more than this....
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