New Job- Day three

So I think I may survive my dive back into the working world. I still don't have a sitter in civilization, but my cousin agreed to watch the kiddo for a reasonable price. I have to wait for my first paycheck to see if I can get some assistance with childcare, but I will be waiting a while as we get paid monthly...and I missed the beginning of this pay period by quite a bit...

Still haven't worked on my paper that's due next week. It's four pages on feminist theory in family therapy...I will let you know if I discover any enlightening information. I dreading doing it though...so mostly I will probably just bitch. (Hey, at least I'm honest.)

I have noticed that the socialization that comes with working has started to bring back some of the better parts of "the old me." I don't have(....well...okay I still have but not as bad) socially-induced panic attacks. I actually had to cold-call about 30 people today and managed not to fumble for words or stutter through about 50% of the calls. Kinda proud of that.

And the doe-eyed awkwardness has mostly disappeared. I have been deemed "the organizer" by my colleagues....kind of ironic considering how chaotic my life is...if they only knew....strike that!...I would evaporate if they found out. I have been wearing long sleeves the past two days in 80 degree heat just so I don't have to make up stories about my scars....They must not find out...

This month is going to be rough, financially. I'm not sure we have food enough to get by...and I don't have enough $ to change that. *sigh*....guess I should stop eating and save it for the kiddo. I get stamps...but have already ran through them this month...not that it's really enough to feed two on...yet alone a growing kiddo who is going through a growth spurt and constantly hungry.

I have been too exhausted to SI...though the thoughts are constantly there...prolly due to the transitional anxiety I'm experiencing. I have been sleeping better...though I am still exhausted throughout the day...and I have been having such crazy dreams. I need to save a few minutes each morning to blog them so I can get some input about them. I'm interested as to what they could mean....other than I am completely bonkers...

New Job-Day one

So started my new job today. Still haven't found a sitter. My cousin said she'd watch the kiddo as long as I need her to, but if we're ever going to move back to civilization I need to find a sitter...in civilization...

Unfortunately, they all want me to have to sell a kidney in order to afford their services....I don't understand how other single mom's do it. If I work I don't qualify for DFS daycare assistance because my income plus my child support is too high...even if I take a minimum wage job...so most of my paycheck goes to paying for a daycare so that I can work...which just seems counterproductive to me. If I don't work....well...I can't get ahead...and I have to take out extra student loans just to pay rent and bills...which I can't afford to pay back unless I work....anyone else see a problem with this cycle??

So...the job seems like it's going to be fun. I get to work with kids, so that's great...and maybe it will cure the baby itch I have had of late. I have to get a TB test and a physical within 30 days though...which I am not sure I can afford at the moment....what with paying a sitter and gas money to drive into civilization to work and all. Maybe working wasn't the best move at the moment?? I dunno...I have to do something before I lose my mind altogether.

Oh...and you wouldn't believe the size of the binder containing organization policies and regulations that I had to bring home to read tonight. I think it's a good 3 inches thick...and I don't have a clue what half of these acronyms mean....*sigh*