Herr hilf!

Friday at work I about had a panic attack in front of everyone.

The company that I work for has a mental health worker that comes around about once a month the all the sites just to "check in" on everyone. When I realize she's around I do my best to disappear, but Friday she caught me with my guard down and just her being around....observing....was enough to send me over the edge. As much as I want to ask for her assistance in finding some help, I can't help but think that would mark me as weak or unfit for my job. With my standings with the company already up in the air because my position was meant to be temporary, I cannot afford this.

This weekend has been.....well....it has been....it came and went...like any other. I took care of my nieces this weekend. My sister just had my youngest niece a little over a week ago and is having a hard go at it. She is completely overwhelmed and is having separation anxiety, not from her children, but from her husband. My sweet nieces stayed a night with me, so that she and he could spend some time together. The newest is such a good baby. It makes me want another, but I know in the condition I am in I cannot handle more stress. It wouldn't be fair.

I am still missing one of my textbooks for school. The school book store didn't end up getting it in stock, so I had to order it online, which according to half.com...will take about 14 days to arrive....FML!! Hopefully the teacher won't catch on that the answers to my homework sound more like wikipedia than scholarly.....

In my other class, we have to write brochures on a disorder found in the DSM-IV TR....I know what I would prefer to do.....self-injury....but not sure I have the balls....nor is it actually a disorder....not according to the DSM gurus anyway.....the only mention of self-injury.....or "mutilation", as they call it....is in the criteria for the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.....which kind of pisses me off....thankfully the new DSM will have a separate diagnostic diagnosis that more accurately describes and helps professionals treat those that self-harm.....unfortunately it isn't due to be published until May of 2013.....