Friends

I have come to a sudden, and completely depressing, realization that I have no friends.

I have people who call me their friend. I have people who I would walk to the ends of the earth for.....but here I am sitting by myself, my mind a mess....just wanting the compansionship.....presence......of someone....anyone....so that I'm not alone with myself....and there is no one I can call.

I went to see one friend yesterday. Ran an errand for her because she is mostly bed ridden, and can't drive most days because of the pain she is in constantly.

Another person I consider a friend....she hasn't really been up for much of anything in a while....I know she's depressed....our other mutual friends know she's depressed....but she's in complete denial....but who am I to judge...she "has a migraine" or "is broke" whenever anyone wants to do anything.

Another friend....the one that I mentioned was victim to rape....she is permanently glued to her boyfriends hip....there's only so much "third tit" action I can handle.....I think I miss her the most though....

My sister...who lives just down the street is the same way....but I'm sure as soon as he leaves her....and we all know he will....I will be the first person she calls....gratefully so....but also....disappointingly so.....

I could understand having no one if anyone knew....anything....about what I'm going through....but they don't. I'm very good at hiding my condition. No one has a clue. I'm the dependable one....the one they can count on. When we go out I'm the uninhibited one....not afraid to make a fool of myself (granted, with the help of a little liquid courage...but I'm too much of a control freak to get flat out wasted in public) just to give others a good laugh. WTF!? Why am I suddenly so alone??


So....I have no one....and right now that is not the best realization. My heart has been pounding out of my chest all day. I feel like a weepy mess....I just want to do something....anything to get my mind.....on something else.....or....to just turn off.....