Session Two

So, I went to my second session with said new therapist.

It was about the same as the first. Don't really think we made much progress....though, I understand this is the point in the therapeutic relationship where you build rapport, I just seems aimless...

Again he asked what I would like out of therapy.

I told him, I don't know. If I had the answers, I wouldn't be in therapy. I'm an intelligent, insightful person. I know that my issues now have to do with my past. I can see that, I understand the connection, but that doesn't help me move forward.

I told him again that I would like to like myself more. He didn't hear me....or that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Something about the way he dismissed that statement makes me think he has an agenda.....or that could just be my trust issues talking....

We talked about my social phobia. How it's spiraling into agoraphobia....I can see that. So lets address that?!?!

We talked about my trust issues....my self-esteem issues....all being tied to past trauma and family issues....DUH!! So let's address that?!?!?

It's weird. I like the guy and all. He's very instinctive....good at hitting the nail on the head without a microscope....but let's get on with it!

He suggested I see someone for meds. He thinks my anxiety has caused the depression. I can see that. My anxiety has cause my social isolation...which feeds into the whole self-depreciating internal dialogue regarding my worth....makes sense. But I'm terrified to admit to him that I'm scared that if I do take meds they will A: make me suicidal (happened before, almost succeeded!) or B: I will become dependant on them or abuse them furthering my downward spiral. Quick fixes (like meds) is why I got to the point in wanting therapy....needing therapy, in the first place!!

So what do I really want from therapy?

1. I want to trust
2. I want to like myself
3. I want to stop hurting myself in ALL ways
4. I want to feel worthy
5. I want to see the future as something positive--> NO MORE hoping for the best, waiting for the worst
6. I want to be happy
7. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin

Is that too much to want? Do you think he will get it? Should I just print this and take it in?