$$$ woes

Checking in again. Still fairly lit, thanks to my herbal supplements. I should be in full blown panic mode...but I'm super sleepy instead. I don't think I have been getting the right kind of sleep the past couple of weeks. Nightmare have been rampant.

Just found out yesterday that the refund check from school that I have been waiting on to dig myself out of the constantly accruing debt due to the need for things like a roof over our heads, running water, and electricity.....that money is over six weeks away....FML!

We usually get disbursements the second week into classes, which would be the second full week of June. Not so much.

This doesn't help the negative internal dialogue....at all....

I cut again last night. It was bad. Had to use the old hydrogen peroxide and steri-strips trick....

Apparently my T is back in town and wants to know if I want to come in today. I still don't know if I even want to continue....I'm so angry for him leaving me in a lurch like that....saying he had someone for me to call if need be....(....and there has been a definite need!)....and then saying he couldn't find anyone and to call his supervisor (one of my teachers in the fall!) if I need too. I'm tore between just writing him off and forgetting he existed and going in just to chew his a$$. Is that the hidden borderline in me? Is that a normal response? Should I feel so betrayed? I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel....what is normal. I can't even trust myself.....in any way.....