Feeling pretty blissful this morning....basking in the after glow of a night with Bob. I had a rough weekend. He caught a glimpse of me at my worst....and didn't run...instead he held me, offered support....He is too good for me.
Monday night, I found myself feeling.....numb...my inner turmoil post therapy session left my mind an inferno...I cut....
Last night, midst a rather passionate make-out session, I was hit with a sudden bout of nausea...it was sudden...like a wave of my body rejecting the idea that this could all be real....that perhaps there is someone out there that could possibly love me....unconditionally....my heart wants to accept this so badly....but it seems that it will have to win over my body, which seems to reject this possibility full force...
Bob discovered my self-inflicted injuries last night...I was filled with shame...retreated into myself...my thoughts beating me to a pulp: "Worthless"..."Shameful"..."Unworthy"...and he stayed by my side...kissed my wounds....showed no signs of judgement....told me he didn't want me to be afraid and hide this from him....I asked him that if there was the slightest chance that I would become too much for him at any point in the future, to just leave now.....and he replied that he isn't going anywhere....and....I believe him.
My heart feels content; full........I love him......and this still terrifies me.
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