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Thursday, November 10, 2011

"It's hard to see the pain behind the mask...

...Bearing the burden of the secret storm."

-Martina McBride

Yesterday was exhausting. Today isn't much better. I have this knot in my stomach. I'm so anxious I'm nauseous. I feel like something is sitting on my chest. I am so lonely and yet I think I would recoil at the slightest touch. I don't feel worthy. I hate myself.

I skipped class last night. My daughter's been sick. So I stayed home to take care of her. Not that I felt like going. Being around those people....too many eyes. Too much potential for judgement. Not that I haven't said to myself anything they could possibly be thinking.

I got up this morning and took the kiddo to school. Then came home and crawled back into bed. I lack all motivation to do anything. I can't eat....I can't even sleep. I lay in bed and space out. Stare at the ceiling. That voice takes over. Beats me when I'm down.

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